Living Is Christ, Dying Is Gain

As a Christian, I understand the meaning of Philippians 1:21, but the events of 1999 gave me a new perspective on the verse. God had blessed me with wonderful, caring parents despite the fact that my father did not walk in the light. My mother, on the other hand, had my two siblings and myself in church every time the doors were open. Many nights I would awaken to her praying and weeping for my father’s salvation. My father was a provider who loved his family more than anything and worked long, hard hours at a factory to demonstrate that love. He gave us material things, but all I wanted was for him to be happy and walk in God’s victorious peace.

In 1999, after years of battling himself, my father gave up and left everything. My brother and I found his vehicle in the mountains near one of his hunting spots, but no one found my father. My world was turned upside down, and my faith was rocked and challenged. Very few people talked to me about it, nor did they comfort me. Many Christians never approached me. My hurt turned into anger. Did they not know what I was going through? My world as I knew it was over. How dare my coworkers, friends, and others not care for me!

For several years I was angry with God and others, and I felt every emotion. Then God slowly began to reveal His wisdom to me. He showed me how I had never considered others’ pain, like the student with abusive parents, the recently divorced coworker, or that person I chose not to speak to. God forced me to stop being selfish, to think about others, and to serve as a representative of Christ to them.