Identity Crisis

I have been a wife and a mother for almost 16 years. Before that I was a sister, daughter, student, friend. I was genuinely bad at volleyball, but I loved to try, so I was part of a team, maybe a jock? That might be too generous... But I always identified myself by who I was to someone else.

This decision to start school (2014) and pursue a career (personal training) that I was physically not ready for was so challenging. I lost my identity for a bit because I was trying to do everything that I had been doing before, while still struggling with anxiety, and then I added full time school to it. I didn’t know who I was anymore.

The discouragement I deal with comes and goes now, but at the beginning of this, it was intense. “You’re fat, how are you going to help anyone lose weight? You can’t even help yourself.” “You are lazy, you’re never going to be able to be active for a job.”

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy...” John 10:10a NIV

He is such a liar.

I was coming out of depression and was trying to regain what I had lost to it. I was just beginning to start to pray again, be in the Word again. It was difficult. When you take time away from anything there is that “it’s like riding a bike” feeling, but with a spiritual life, it’s like relearning to ride a bike but knowing that the 10 speed from before will never be good enough for your now.

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10b 

My identity has always been in Christ, whether I call myself out or not. He knew me from before I was in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5).  He was with me, formed me before I was born (Psalm 139:13). I have always been known by Him, known through Him, I just needed to acknowledge it again. He wants me to have a full life, and as some translations say, abundant life.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

I have begun to experience a new kind of abundance. Working out 5-6 times a week has been something that I am finally able to say I do!  I get to cry through it sometimes when I want to give up. I get to tell myself “I can do this” when those last reps feel like my arms/legs are going to give out, and through it all I give God the glory for it. I could not be doing any of this without His help. And I know that I am working towards a worth while goal because He has set it before me. He has set before me abundance!

As I am learning again who I am, who HE says I am, He has asked me to declare, several times (after different issues), who I am. I am His daughter. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am worthy of His notice... We serve such an awesome God!

Remember that you were created with a great purpose. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 NLT

I pray you will see the abundance He has set before you. That you will find your identity in Him and declare who you are whenever the enemy tries to trip you up. We are more than over comers because “I (Jesus) have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NIV.

Take heart. He knows you, He has a plan for you, He wants the best for you, He has overcome the world.